He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
