DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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