I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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