By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Of course I have a pirate flag
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
