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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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