I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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