Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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