I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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