Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
