it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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