I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
