i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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