I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
