My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
