yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
