Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
