HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
