new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
