Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize