he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
