I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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