The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
