Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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