My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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