If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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