my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
