I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
