I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize