We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
