shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
