Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
