That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
