This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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