whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
