I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
MIDGETS
????
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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