Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
