Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
porn star boner night. come get it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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