I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
