oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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