So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
