I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
