Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
