That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
