i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
