I can text with my tongue
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
