overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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