i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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