We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
