really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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