i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize