dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
