Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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