so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
