Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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