Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
