stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't put those talents on a resume
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
