But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
