the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
