All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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