i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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