im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
