..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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