I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
