it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
