the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
