Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize