Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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