Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
