I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
