In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
