We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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