I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize