Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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