the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
