How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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